Reading Insanity

I like to read. In fact, in a good way, I take pride in the fact that I read widely. I read a study once that said the average American (after finishing school) reads less than 2 books a year. But somehow I've gotten myself into a mess. Check it out.

On my bedside table:

• Parenting with Love and Logic
• India's Unending Journey, by Tully
• Bakht Singh of India
• Complications, by A. Gwande
• Nehru, by Tharoor
• And at least 5 past issues of Wired magazine, 3 issues of Outlook Traveller magazine

On my Kindle:

• The First 90 Days, by Watkins
• Leadership with Cultural Intelligence, by Livermore
• And a bunch of free PDF books, mostly by J. Piper

On my desk at work:

• In Spite of the Gods: The Strange Rise of Modern India, by Luce (re-readig this; best book on India I've read...ever)
• The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently and Why, by Nisbett
• Speaking of India: Bridging the Communication Gap when Working with Indians, by Storti
• Change Across Cultures, by Bradshaw
• Just Courage, by Haugen
• And five other "leadership" books which I want to skim

Yikes! Time to focus and try to finish a few before starting any more. But it does reveal the main themes of my life right now: parenting, cross-cultural, and leadership issues.

(originally published on Monday, April 12, 2010 as "Reading Insanity" at http://spottsfamily.blogspot.com/2010/04/reading-insanity.html)

Reciprocity

In any friendship, there must be give and take. A two-way street. This is especially true in cross-cultural relationships that are genuine. It is also more difficult to develop cross-culturally and I've learned not to expect very many reciprocal relationships.

But, in January, just when I was a bit discouraged that we seem to be "giving" so much and not seeing much feedback/response, there was a flood. A friend asked me out to lunch, and then insisted on paying the entire bill (which was 5% of his monthly salary). Then another couple brought us dinner. And yet another couple came to our house and cooked dinner (one of my favorite meals in the world: India's dosa).

This all happened in the span of about a week. We were really encouraged. Sometimes work overseas is hard to measure. But we do look for deepening relationships that, just as in the West, are mutually respectful. When there is dignity on both sides, there is reciprocity.

(originally posted on Sunday, March 14, 2010 as "Reciprocity" at http://spottsfamily.blogspot.com/2010/03/reciprocity.html)

Hidden Costs of Births in India

It has almost been 2 weeks since Asha joined us. Overall, it has been great! She is generally a very polite, relaxed kid. She seems to have a similar temperament to Shane...but only time will tell. She's starting to sleep for longer periods which will hopefully allow us to catch up on sleep.

But within hours of her delivery, I began to spend lots of money due to Indian culture and tradition. It was fun and I wanted to document this for posterity.

At most hospitals in India, the staff (nurses, cleaning staff, security guards, etc.) ask for tips -- either blatently or subtily. However, our hospital, has trained their staff not to ask for tips. We decided to give a large gift (about 10% of the overall bill) to their employees' benevolence fund. And I did give the valet parking attendent Rs. 10 ($0.25).

The next day I bought about 11 kg. (24 lbs!!) of candy to distribute to colleagues, neighbors, friends, local businesses, etc. This cost about $100. But in terms of income for the average Indian, it was a full month's salary. And it almost broke some bones since I carried it home on my motorcycle in two bags hanging from my wrists. It also took a lot of time. I personally handed the sweets (they're milk-based candy with nuts/fruit mixed in) to at least 140 people over the next three days. Another 40 people received sweets via some helpers.

And, besides showing a picture of the baby, everyone wanted to know: the weight (they don't care about length! and the avg weight here is 2.6kg...Asha was 3.7kg) and if it was a "normal" delivery (i.e. not a c-section, which many doctors push ladies to have; it takes less time and costs a third more than natural delivery). Then, when I shared that we've already "fixed a name", some were shocked since babies usually don't get a name for a couple of weeks. That gives the family time to consults the stars (or Christians will pray) and make a group decision. We're a little strange and different...but people were thrilled to hear we chose an Indian name!

(originally posted on Thursday, February 25, 2010 as "Hidden Costs of Births in India" at http://spottsfamily.blogspot.com/2010/02/hidden-costs-of-births-in-india.html)

Back in India

At some point, I feel that we should record the challenges of cross-cultural, cross-continental travel for our kids to appreciate at some point in the distant future. Let's just say that 22+ hours on planes with less than 2 hours sleep due to active little guys was not fun.

The good news was that clearing customs in India was quick, the swine flu screening (they have thermal imaging cameras and a masked nurse who asked some questins) was efficient, and our bags showed up undamaged.

Shane and Lukas both recovered from jet lag quickly. The noise of India (horns, shouting, etc. until about 2am) didn't seem to bother them although it is such a contrast to quiet Beaverton. Lukas is on the verge of walking and wears the same size diapers as Shane. A big boy.

It took us a while to get back in the groove: to stop invading ants and mosquitos, order more drinking water, fill up empty gas tanks, figure out why gas stove wasn't working (forgot that Indians put safety first and always turn of the gas cylinder switch), pay the street sweepers & newspaper guy & more who magically appeared at our gate within hours of our arrival, jiggle the phone line to get the connection to work, trim vines/plants which had taken over balcony, looking in several stores until we found XL diapers, and much more. Hmmm, maybe our tiredness isn't jet lag but just due to life!

But there are certainly many nice things about India: the postman who rang our bell and welcomed us back even tho' he didn't have any mail for us, the great cooking of our househelper, Shane's delighted expression at seeing his old toys, Lukas quickly crawling around the house without the friction from carpet, buying fresh potato chips from my favorite shop, riding my motorcycle, cheap tropical fruit we buy from a roadside stand, and reading our favorite Indian travel magazine.

Life here is as busy as the USA but it is the simple things that take up so much time. But the change is refreshing in many ways.

(originally posted on Friday, November 06, 2009 as "Back in India" at http://spottsfamily.blogspot.com/2009/11/back-in-india.html)

My Other Baby

About a week after Shane arrived, she arrived. She sits in the corner of our living room 24 hours a day and hums quietly. She is white, beautiful and well-behaved. She has stolen my heart. Curious?

We bought an inverter. This wonderful piece of equipment consists of a huge battery, some wires, and a thing that converts the electricity from the battery into the current to power our fans and lights when the power goes out. It gives us power for about 4 hours and we are thrilled to have it! Power outages are common here in the summer and often scheduled for 2 hours a day.

The other new thing at the Spotts home is a beautiful coat of snow on our roof. Well, actually it is a double-layer of white paint called "Surya Cool Home". The special paint promises to keep the cement roof from soaking up the heat of the sun. And, so far, it seems to be keeping the interior of our house much cooler during the summer heat!

We are grateful for both of these things. Now if we could just turn on the tap and be assured that water would come out. (Even when it does, there is never enough pressure for a shower so we're experts at bucket/dipper baths.) Or if we could find a way to keep the mosquitoes out of the house. Or if we didn't have to drive the car through raw sewage running across our street. But that's the challenge of living in a developing country!

Some days it is fun and some days not. But we're convinced that we're in the place we should be and that makes it bearable.

(originally posted on Sunday, March 18, 2007 as "Ben's other baby?" at http://spottsfamily.blogspot.com/2007/03/bens-other-baby.html)

Cultural Differences during Baby Deliveries

A few people have asked how the delivery and hospital stay were different here in India vs. in the USA. Obviously, we've never had a baby in the US, but based on what we have heard from friends, here are some (mostly pleasant) differences:

• Over here the husband is rarely allowed into the delivery room, but I got in
• They were happy for us to take pictures and video in the delivery room
• Over here you have to move to three different rooms during the delivery
• Most of the nurses and helpers don't speak English! We used a little bit of our Hindi.
• Some doctors insist that you don't let the kid sleep under the fan (and give other traditional advice)
• They refuse to do any circumcisions until a couple weeks after the birth; we convinced them otherwise but tramautized the hospital staff in the process (they hate to see any baby cry, ever!)
• You don't have nurses coming in all night. Just a visit at 8:30pm (just after dinner) and then at 7:15am in the morning when they serve you tea
• After 7:30am, there are four types of staff visiting your room: doctors, nurses, doulas (older ladies who bathe mother & child, change diapers, etc.) and cleaning ladies. Libby wanted to take the doulas home.
• The food for both patient and one guest (me!) is almost all rice; no meat, only some eggs for the mother
• Tea and snacks are delivered to your door at 7:15am and 5pm
• Visiting hours are very very strict: from 5-8pm and a guard walks down the hall ringing a bell at 7:45pm to warn the familes milling about that it's time to "make a move"
• If you order "room service" (the cafeteria will deliver to your room), then you have to pay cash since they won't just add it to the bill
• There are pediatricians and anesthesiologists in-house 24-7!
• The entire cost of the delivery and after-care are (understatement!) very reasonable: $760

(originally posted on Saturday, March 03, 2007 as "US vs. India delivery" at  http://spottsfamily.blogspot.com/2007/03/us-vs-india-delivery.html)